Midlife Crisis or True Awakening Part 2(a.k.a. Life at 50)

On November 1st I moved out of the apartment that I shared with 5 of my 6 adult children, and into a 2 bedroom house. My plan was to live totally alone, but one of my sons moved with me. Now we are down to December 31, 2019; the last day of the year. In my new home I created my sacred space, complete with: an altar, crystals, candles, books, and pictures of my ancestors. I have also placed a crystal in each room of my house except the laundry room. I have a plant in the kitchen and one in the living room. Both plants belonged to my deceased aunt whom I love dearly. A part of her will live on in my heart, but also in my home.

I walk around the house freely in just my panties, unless my son is home. I placed my vision board on the wall over my office workspace. I so needed this to get myself together. Sometimes I just need to be alone with my thoughts and myself so I can focus on me and what I need to do next. My life is my own to do whatever it is I want to do.

On my altar I have a palo santo stick and a sage/lavender bundle to ward off negative energy and dispel negative vibes. My goal is to live a life of peace, especially in my home.... My Sacred Space. I love the peace and quiet. All of my children are finding their way and doing some things without me. As a mother I will always be there, and I am still there for them but I needed my own space.

I have lived to be half a century old, and before turning 50 I always lived with someone or someone lived with me. I have taken care of everyone else; now it's time to take care of me and live my life. I plan to live life to the fullest and live it the way I want to; in a way that is fulfilling to me. I'm not here to impress people; I'm just here to live my best life. My intent was never to hurt my children, but to help me. Some of them needed a little push to go out into the world and find themselves. I don't want them to wait as long as I did to learn who they are and who they are destined to become.

I am not in the middle of a midlife crisis, but a true awakening to who I am. There are things that I have never done that I intend to do before I leave this lifetime. I'm not going to do anything as radical as motorcycle racing or bungee jumping, but there are things that I want to experience in this body. Self care is the ultimate form of self love. Meditation, yoga, drinking water, healthy eating, vacationing, trips to the spa, communing with nature are all forms of self care. These things have become an intricate part of my life. During meditation I go inside myself and see who I really am. You will never find peace or happiness in sources outside of yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness. Remember, god is introspection and god is love. Go within and find the god in you, and there you will find all of the love you need.

 

 

Peace and Blessings
Happy Kwanzaa

Midlife Crisis or True Awakening?

Last month I crossed the half a century mark. Yes, I turned 50 years old on August 5th. About 3-4 years before my 50th birthday I began to feel unfulfilled and lost. I was seeking for answers in church and the Bible but found no solution to my problem. I started to seek within myself for answers instead.

During this 3-4 year time period I learned a lot about myself. I learned who I am, and who I was born to be. I am now at a point in my life where my focus is to make me happy. Others can be happy in the process, but my focus is now on me. My children are grown, I'm divorced and don't have a husband to cater to. I live life on my terms and do what pleases my soul. I think I look pretty good for my age. I wear what accentuates my body. Some people may feel that some of the things I wear are not appropriate for someone my age but I give no fu@ks.

I recently made the decision to finally live alone, without my children. At the end of this month I will be moving out of the apartment with the now 5 of my 6 children and moving to a 2 bedroom house. I have been looking forward to this for quite some time. It's not so much about getting away from my children as it is about getting away to me. Since I began evolving I don't wear clothes when I'm home, and I don't wear pajamas or a nightgown when I go to bed. I walk around my bedroom in just my panties. I want to walk around my house the same way. I have a vision for this new place of residence. It will be a home of serenity. I'm putting a plant in each room; plants like the spider plant, snake plant, and lavender. There will also be crystals in each room, and a fountain in the living room. I'm looking forward to enjoying the place I call home and pay rent and bills for.

There is so much to live for at 50 and beyond. I'm happy with who I am and who I'm becoming. This new life is about freedom and liberation. It's about finding and being your true, authentic self. I don't care what people think about me and I don't need anyone's approval to do anything. I'm ready to take trips, start more businesses, have awesome sex, and live Unapologetically Ever After. Fifty is the new thirty!

Journey Within

http://www.amazon.com/author/tauheedahmichelle

When I started on the journey to find myself about 4 years ago; I was looking for me. I was on a journey to find out what makes Michelle who she is and what she's becoming. As I have grown on this journey I have learned about my lineage and why I might have gone through some of the things that I experienced.

I learned that on my father's side of the family we share a bloodline to people who are indigenous to this land. A friend of mine has always said that he is indigenous to this country, and his family didn't derive from Africa. My dad has great grandparents who were Cherokee Indians. I agree with my friend that maybe we're not all descendents of Africans or slaves. Some of us are direct descendents of American Indians.

I created a personal alter to manifest the peace and other things I need in my home. I use crystal for healing and different manifestations. There are candles(Chakra), Native Soul Sage and Lavender incense, and a sage bundle. The thing that really topped it off was the photo of my dad's great grandparents that I was able to print from our family page on Facebook. This way I am able to honor my ancestors and their legacy.

I most definitely do not deny my African heritage. I'm sure on either side that somewhere down the line I have ancestors who came from Africa. I proudly wear the titles: queen, goddess, empress. I have learned to channel my inner Egyptian Empress. Khamit (modern day Kemet) is the way of Egypt that means, "Land of black people". I wear the label, "black"; because I am black, I come from the land of black, and black is the beautifulist thing I have ever seen! It's an honor to be black. It's an honor to be indigenous to this land as a black native.

When I began the journey within I was on a spiritual journey to find self. I got a lot more than I bargained for. I learned about my ancestors and why I look the way I do. I am cognizant of the fact that some generational curses could have derived from either side of my family. I am more mindful of how these things play a part in my life and my kid's lives. I understand me better and the choices I make. I overstand that this journey isn't just about me, but being the Black Sheep means I am here to break those generational curses and help create generational wealth.

Can You Love, or Be In Love With Two People at The Same Time?

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com

 

The question has come across my table; "Can someone love or be in love with two people at the same time?" If you've been reading my books, following my blog and my Sunday Lives then you know I write and speak from my own personal experiences. My answer to this question is, YES. Let me be clear, this is not a ploy to condone cheating. Sometimes the right people come into your life at the wrong time, and you're meant to be together just not at that time. Sometimes there are unresolved issues in either you or the other person that need to be dealt with before you can be together.

Two and a half years ago I met a man in a business transaction. I bought a car and needed a repair to the aux cord on my radio. The owner of the dealership recommended a guy he uses for his car radios. I met the guy at his business establishment and there was an instant connection and definite chemistry between the two of us. We began talking on the phone and texting one another. We went on one date after about a month or two of talking and texting. We would meet up somewhere sometimes and just talk. We had really become good friends. He was in a relationship, and he and his girlfriend lived together. At the time my ex-boyfriend was living with me, but our relationship was over. This guy and I were friends, although we both recognized the connection and strong chemistry between us.

Later that same year I began conversing through Facebook Messenger with a Facebook and Instagram friend who was also the younger brother of one of my old friends and classmates. Before I actually encountered this man I had been reading and learning about twin flames, and the difference between twin flames and soulmates. I didn't fully understand twin flames at the time, but I was learning more and more each day. I started researching twin flames, and twin flame unions. The twin flame union is the highest and ultimate relationship that humans can experience. Just talking to this man I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he was my twin flame. When we first met in person, hugging him confirmed things for me. Hugging him gave me the sense of home, like I was where I belonged. Experiencing this type of love and relationship helped me to understand twin flame dynamics that much more. I am in love with this man!

There have been many obstacles in the way of this twin flame relationship; some caused by me and some caused by him. A relationship is controlled by both people, so we both had a hand in the demise of the relationship. At the end of 2018 my twin flame broke up with me, deleted me and blocked me on social media, and blocked my phone calls. A breakup is almost always difficult, but this breakup was puzzling to me because he broke up with me for trying to talk to him about something very important that concerned us both. My friend and I were still friends, and had remained "Just Friends" over the two year period. I messaged my twin flame on YouTube and email because I was blocked on every other platform of communication. I had surgery in February and reached out to my twin flame, and he never responded until a month later on his birthday. The conversation was quick and casual. A few weeks later there was death in my twin flame's family, and we were both close to this person so he called to let me know. I went to visit him and the family and my love for him was still very prevalent. As my twin flame I know my love for him will never end.

During my recovery from surgery my friend visited me, and we talked almost every day. We started dating and we would see one another quite often. Our feelings for one another became stronger, and we became more than just friends. We eventually became physically intimate and that strengthened our friendship/relationship. Now we're at the point where we verbally and physically express our love for each other. Even though I love this man, I am still in love with my twin flame. There is nothing in this world that compares to the touch of my twin flame. A simple casual touch from his hands sends a sensation through my body like he's making love to my body.

I am in love with my twin flame; there is no doubt about that but I also love my friend. My friend and I have been attracted to one another since the moment we met over 2 years ago, but the timing wasn't right. After my twin flame broke up with me my friend was there for me. Although I love my friend, I am in love with my twin flame and I have never experienced anything close to a relationship like ours. Sex with my twin flame is something out of this world. As I've said before, your twin is a mirror to your soul. Your twin shows you the things in you that need healing, and you heal to help them heal. Twin flames are very strong and can manifest things together when both flames are on the same page. I have seen in my own spirit the things that my twin flame and I could manifest and have, but it would take us both meditating and coming together. We will always be one. We were one soul before we ever came together physically. The physical intimacy (Into Me See) made our bond stronger. I am him, and he is me, we are one soul. We can be with other people but that won't change the fact that we are twin flames. Nothing can break the bond between us. The Universe brought us together; it is up to us to put in the work.

As for my friend, we are becoming closer. We are mentally and physically compatible. Leos and Libras are highly compatible. We both own businesses, we're both conscious, and family is important to both of us. We're both creative with our hands and we enjoy the arts. On the other hand my twin and I experience mental telepathy; and we have experienced a transference of energy. My twin and I have experienced some things that can't be explained for carnal minds to understand. Right now I'm torn between my twin flame and my friend who is fastly becoming my man. I don't agree with the, "Love Is Love" campaign that's going around because it taints love and says that adults loving and having sex with kids is okay. The campaign also promotes homosexuality and beastiality. I do however subscribe to the fact that if my twin and I hadn't broken up I never would've fully developed an intimate relationship with my friend. My friend is a soulmate and we share many of the same ideals and ideas. We're both go-getters and ambitious people. We talk to each other about any and everything. I can easily and safely express myself to him. My twin tests me every step of the way, and that is one of the key dynamics of a twin flame union. Your twin makes you better, and shows you the real you. Looking at your twin is like looking in a mirror, they are a reflection of you as they reflect back to you who you truly are and they help you to become who you will ultimately be.

It's difficult being torn between the man you're in love with and wanted to spend the rest of your life and lifetime with, and the man you love as a friend and more. I don't wish this merry-go-round on anybody. The truth is, maybe we don't choose who loves us and how people come into our lives, but we do get to choose who we love. Somewhere the ultimate choice must be made. On one hand I have a man that I love and I'm in love with; heaven and earth have been moved when we're together.On the other hand, I love a man that is my friend and I am highly compatible with. In an ideal world I would choose my twin flame, but my twin must choose me back (whether in this life or the next). Twin flame unions can be painful and there is a lot of soul work involved. Both twins must be up for the challenge for the union to be successful. The twin flame union is what each person should aspire to; in this relationship the Universe is granting you your innermost desires.

As Musiq Soulchild said in his song, "The answer is Yes". It is possible to love two people at the same time. I've heard it said before that you can't love two people at once because that means you never actually loved the first person. That statement is not true; I am madly in love with my twin flame, but twin flame relationships can be difficult and if both aren't ready to do the work or if they aren't both ready to confront themselves the union will suffer. I love this man with everything inside me, and I still love my friend too.

Spring Cleaning

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com

Spring is a time for new beginnings and new life. The Spring season officially begins March 20th with the first full day of Spring being March 21st. The saying, "Spring roars in like a lion and goes out like a lamb" is very true. Spring begins with cold and un-Spring like weather. When the Spring season commences it still feels like Winter. April rolls in with rain to help the earth grow and replenish. "April showers bring May flowers".

My Spring cleaning ritual includes: sage smudging to clear out any negative energy, opening windows for fresh air, cleansing my crystals, getting out in nature, and for the last couple of years attending the Naturalopathy Spring Event. The Naturalopathy Spring Event was held yesterday, and for the first time in two years I didn't attend. The Naturalopathy event encompasses all of the vendors and products to start your Spring season off right.

Spring also brings with it pollen and bees. Pollen causes allergic reactions in thousands of people each year. After an encounter with the outside we must cleanse ourselves, or we bring the pollen inside with us. Of course we have to bathe to wash the pollen away, but crystals are another way to cleanse ourselves and our auras. A close friend of mine told me he loves when he encounters me because I have a beautiful aura and I bring light whenever I'm around him. Crystals can be used to clean your aura and protect you from harm.

In the circle of life animals are born in the spring, grass grows and turns green again, flowers bloom, and everything old becomes new again. A new moon begins this Friday, and new moons are a great time to set intentions and do a new thing. So as Spring and April embark upon us we can clean our physical homes(places of residence) and clean our physical houses(our bodies). Do a detox, walk along the beach, go hiking, sage smudge your home, take a detox/spiritual bath. All of these things are excellent practices for a Spring cleaning ritual. Set your intentions for the new moon and Spring season. Happy Spring Cleaning!

Freak Like Me/T-shirt and Panties

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com

Last night I watched the episode of "Unsung" featuring Adina Howard. I have been following Adina on Instagram well before the show. I was a fan of Adina's song, "Freak Like Me" back in the 90's. I don't think many of us were ready for such an outspoken upfront woman at the time.

I have come to admire Adina for her outspokenness. She has been saying what women have been feeling for years. She's not just outspoken or upfront, but she lives her truth. Whether you or I agree with it, she lives her truth and stands for what she wants. In my 20's I was just going through life and love blindfolded. I didn't know which direction to go, so I fumbled my way through my 20's and 30's. In my early 40's I divorced the only man I had ever been in love with. I was in love with this man for 30 years, since we were both 14 years old. After the divorce I set out on a journey to find me. I found that I was highly sexual, but I had finally gotten to a place where I really enjoyed sex, and I wanted the things that were pleasurable to me.

Last night on Unsung Adina explained how her sexuality was on her terms. Men thought because she was a freak that she would just get freaky with any and everybody. She stated that she was the prize, not the other way around. In my late 40's I met my twin flame, and with him I learned to let go of all of my insecurities and inhibitions. I felt like I could let go and be myself. That seemed to only work with sex. When I wanted to let go and be my unique goddess self, displaying all that makes me who I am; he couldn't handle that. I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I am who I am.

I love sex, especially when it's combined with sensuality. I want to enjoy the experience and the man I'm with. Like Adina, I can be outspoken and speak what's on my heart. Some males are intimidated by outspokenness and realness. I thought I had finally found the man I could open up to and be myself with. I want what I want, but I am willing to compromise. Isn't that what relationships are all about? I was tired of always being the one to compromise and sacrifice,without getting the same in return.

Adina was very candid and transparent about her life. She said that she's defiant, and she likes being defiant. She also recognized the part she played in the downfall of her singing career. She admitted her faults, and although she never compromised her integrity she knew where she was wrong. She has grown and evolved and still gets what she wants. I have learned so much about myself and what I want. I want a man who can bring out every part of the freak in me. A man who will put in as much effort as I do. I want my man to cater to my body as I cater to his. Sometimes I want to be in charge of the bedroom.

I was so impressed by Adina's growth. When she was singing, "Freak Like Me" and"T-shirt and Panties" she was younger and wilder. She has since married her best friend. They divorced but still live together. She still lives her truth. She stated that she got married for sex. She wanted to try everything sexual with her husband. That's how it should be, you marry your best friend, twin flame, soulmate all in one and you both ascend to the highest heights.

Learning, growing, evolving, ascending are all apart of maturing and transforming into the person you're meant to be. When I was married I wore either pajamas or a nightgown to bed every night. Now I sleep in panties, and sometimes nothing at all. I walk around my room in nothing but panties. I would walk around the house that way if I lived alone. I enjoy sex and the connection; it's not just something to do because everybody's doing it. I want my man to lead, then other times I want to lead. I put hella effort into anything I pursue, whether business or relationship. I am the prize, and I won't say that sex, love, and a relationship has to solely be on my terms but I will be heard and I will get what I want and desire. There is a man who is capable of giving me those things. I want a freak like me, and I want to walk around in his t-shirt and my panties.

Love... All In The Family 💜🖤

I am a very family oriented person. A lot of my writings are about family, love, and relationships. As a parent, sometimes you reflect on your life and the life of your offspring. You reflect and evaluate the life you have lived before your children. Last night my children decided to reflect and remind me that I did a lot of things right.

I am a mother of 6, yes I said 6 beautiful children. Each one with their own distinctive gifts and talents. My youngest child/son (he has a twin brother) came home from school for the weekend. Four of my six children were home last night and we were talking and enjoying one another. My son and one of my daughters brought me to tears when they talked about how strong I am. They really poured their hearts out to me. They schooled me on the type of man I deserve and the type of man who deserves me.

My son told me he was tired of seeing me with men who had nothing and added nothing to my life. He said he looked at me and how I catered to my man; cooking, washing his clothes, fixing his plate, picking him up and dropping him off, and allowing him to use my car. My son flat out told me that a man should appreciate a woman like me, "You're ambitious and driven. You have business about yourself, you worked hard to take care of us, and run your businesses". My daughter talked about how she learned work ethic from me because I worked and paid my bills. My children never knew about being put out, not having electricity or running water. My daughter said, "You always had your own then these nothing ass niggas(her words, but I have used them before), come into your life without anything to add. They're just leeching off of you."

My kids remembered the family things we did, like taking family vacations, family night on Fridays, and me working to take care of them and provide for them. My heart was so full of joy and love. My children boasted of how they want what's best for me, like I want the best for them. I cried, we hugged. Last night I saw myself in my children. They learned work ethic from me, and hustling to make your dreams come true. They learned the importance of family because family is important to me.

On January 1st of this year I posted a statement on Facebook about my family. My happiness comes from seeing them happy and pursuing their dreams. My children, grandchildren, parents, and siblings are what matters most to me. My man was also a part of that squad. I felt like all I needed was my family and my man (I use the term loosely) and I could accomplish anything. When you're a family person, a business minded person, and you're driven and ambitious you need a mate who is equally family oriented, business minded, and driven. My children told me they want the best for me because I give my best.

My son said, "I want you to have a man who adds to your life, a man who can help you, not a man who benefits more from you than you do from him." My children have always supported me and I support them. My oldest daughter graduated from cosmetology school (like I did). She's a mother, makeup artist, business owner, and author (like her mother). My oldest twin daughter is a mother of 6 (like her mother), she has her own place and car, and works to provide for her household. My other twin daughter is a manager on her job, has her own place, and handles her business. The baby girl is a CNA, has a couple of cars, and has great work ethic (like her mother). My oldest twin son(they're only 19) works at a fast food joint, has a side gig working on houses, and he has recorded rap songs in the studio. My baby has moved to another state, he's in school, has a job, and is about to buy a car and get his own place (he suggested I move to Kentucky). I am so proud of my children and family is everything to me.

I have made some bad decisions when it comes to my children, but they have proven to me that I've made a lot of good decisions. They showed me that I'm a good mother/grandmother, and a great woman. I choose #FamilyOverEverything.

Fibroids in Black Women and Book Update

Peace and Blessings fam, I'm back! I was in the hospital earlier this week having surgery to rid my body of fibroids. I'm not at 100 percent yet, but I'm getting there. I found out I had fibroids in 2009, and it took 10 years to do something about them. The symptoms got progressively worse, so that prompted me to take action. In 2009 I only had 2 fibroids, by the time I had them removed I had 4 large fibroids and several smaller ones. A few years ago I started researching fibroids and their causes. I found that black women and some native women are more likely to suffer with fibroids than whites and other groups. I set out to find out why. I read studies on WebMD, blackdoctor.org, in doctor's offices and anywhere I could find information. I read that fibroids in black women could be attributed to hair relaxers and unhealthy eating habits among other things. Three years ago I did the Big Chop and stopped using relaxers on my hair. Two years ago I set out on a journey to eat healthier. This year I began my journey as a vegan; cutting out all animal products.

Lack of exercise(yoga)  and obesity can also attribute to growing fibroids. Over the years we were fed so much misinformation. We were told that diabetes, high blood pressure, and fibroids were hereditary. That is not entirely true. We were taught how to eat by the family we were raised in. Eating pork, beef, chicken with hormones, and anything that comes from animals contributed to us having diabetes, high blood pressure, and fibroids. Had I been raised as a vegan my body would naturally fight off foreign substances like fibroids. As black women we must take our power back when it comes to our bodies and health. We must inform and educate ourselves. As a people we must take control of our bodies and health. Fibroids are non-cancerous tumors that grow inside and outside of a woman's uterus. They can cause painful urination, pain during sex, heavy menstrual bleeding, and excessive periods. A plant based diet, exercise, and yoga can help eradicate fibroids. Essential oils and healing crystals can also help to keep your body and hormones in balance. I will be doing a Purple Poet Sunday Live next Sunday with a little more in-depth information on fibroids in black women. Make sure you're tuned in at 12:30 on Facebook and Instagram.

I just want to throw in a plug about my latest book, "Black Poetry and Soul Consciousness". The cover is done, and it is gorgeous! The cover designer did and awesome job designing the cover. The book will be done by the end of the month. Keep your eyes and ears open for book signings and the Atlanta Summer Bookstore Tour. Peace & Blessings Kings and Queens

Year Of The Black Author

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com

At the end of last year, and during the full moon/lunar eclipse I wrote down and verbally expressed my intentions for my publishing business. Back in November I began compiling a list of Metro Atlanta bookstores for an All Atlanta Bookstore Tour for this year. I am happy to announce the Great things that are happening for Purple Poet Publishing LLC.

At the end of this month I will be debuting another poetry book. The book is a collection of soul moving, spirit inspired poems, and conscious and enlightened experiences. Some members of my Facebook group, "Black Poetry and Soul Consciousness" have contributed to this project. The cover designer emailed me a copy of the proof for the cover, and I am just in awe of his work. The cover is so beautiful, I wish I could share it with you all but not until the Big Reveal. There will be book signings for this book, and it will be included in the summer bookstore tour.

Purple Poet Publishing LLC's books are now available at Black Dot Bookstore and Cultural Center in Lithonia, GA and Book Boutique in The Mall at Stonecrest, also in Lithonia, GA. Books are still available at Nubian Bookstore in Morrow, GA. "Poetry For Yo Soul" will soon be sold at Medu Bookstore at Greenbriar Mall in Atlanta, GA. As always, you can purchase my books or any PPP LLC's author's books on either of my websites.⏫

www.amazon.com/author/cmichelleatkins

www.thepurplepoet1.com

In late summer 2019 Purple Poet Publishing will debut two more books, "Writing the Wrongs"©2019 and "Beautiful Me"©2019 just in time for my 50th birthday. This is our year, The Year Of The Black Author and Black Business. At PPP LLC we support black owned businesses, and we are a black owned business. We operate under akoma and Ujamaa. We believe in circulating the black dollar and starting businesses in our communities. Purple Poet Publishing LLC is here to help with all of your publishing needs: publishing, distribution, editing, proof-reading, cover design, and marketing. Support PPP LLC and let's make this a Great year for all black owned small businesses!

Black Love 101: What a Woman Needs Pt.2

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com

Akoma week officially begins February 14th and lasts until February 20th. Akoma week is the international alternative to Valentine's Day. Akoma celebrates 7 virtues and 7 principles for Black Love. The Akoma is an ancient African symbol of divine love and unity, and it's used to represent the sacred science of soulmating. The theme for this year's Akoma celebration is, "Black Love Is Winning". That should be every black couple's mantra for everyday.

Black women are looking for men who will see them as their equal while still understanding and recognizing their weakness. A King wants a Queen, someone who can run the kingdom in his absence. Black women need a man with whom they can be vulnerable, and be themselves with. Black love has endured many trials, many that were forced upon us but it's up to us to RECOGNIZE and RECTIFY. WE have to fix whatever problems we have as a black family. In the near future I will host another Sunday Purple Poet Live Black Love edition. I'm looking to have my brother and host of The Great Liberators Talk Show, Amiri Browner; and my friend and Best Selling Author Quinton Morgan. Quinton is known as "The Relationship Advocate", and he's the author of: "Male Baggage", "Female Baggage", and "Church HURT". These brothers will give us some insight on what men want and need in a woman. Amiri is happily married and Quinton is divorced after 25 years of marriage. Together these brothers bring a wealth of knowledge.

What I want and what I need from a man are basically one and the same. I need a man who listens, and not just talks. Many people don't realize it, but hearing and listening are two totally different things. We as strong black women want and need security and stability from a man. No woman past 25 years of age wants a man who is unstable. Later, sometimes earlier in life you begin to overstand what is important. You don't want to live for 50 years and all you've accomplished is having kids(that you don't take care of), or living with your mama and riding public transportation. We need to know we're safe with you in every aspect of the word. We want to share our deepest secrets without fear of shaming. We want to open up to you and share our lives. We need men who will physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially take care of us. We want a provider and protector. Just as men have expectations of us to cook, clean, wash his clothes, nurse and nurture you, be your sounding board, and be your sex slave. Women also have expectations. I was beginning to think that maybe my expectations were too high, but I'm a queen and my expectations are those of a queen. Expecting a grown man to have a job(business), car, his own place of residence, retirement fund, and goals is basic. These are things that I require of myself, so requiring them of a man should not be a problem.

Black women just want and need from their black man the same things they require of themselves. Bring at least as much as I do to the table... Match My Effort! If you want to be upheld as a king or god, then BE a king or god. No longer will we put you up on a pedestal if you're not living up to your obligations. No woman wants to do all of the work in a relationship. We don't want to be the man and the woman, then what's the use of having a man? Yes we need you for sex, and we want great sex but that's not all there is to a relationship. Some men think sex alone will keep a woman or equates to a relationship. We WANT and NEED Men, not little boys. We want a mate, not a child to raise. Black love is not as hard or complicated as people have made it to be. We both have a role to play; sometimes the roles are very distinct then other times they overlap. The ultimate goal should be for us to WIN!

The Writer's Block

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com
I have been writing books and poetry since I was a child in elementary school. I've even had stories and poems published in books the Atlanta Public Schools used to publish of student's writings. In fourth grade I wrote and put together my very first book, "Smart Frog and Lazy Toad". I wrote the words, drew the pictures, and constructed the book with my own two hands.

In my adulthood I have written several poems. My poem, "Designated Driver" was featured in Nia Magazine last year. I'm planning to do more writing for Nia, and add to them Light Journal and Midnight & Indigo Magazine. Sometimes I get wrapped up in things or people, and I don't write as much as I should. Other times I'm left without a muse or inspiration for writing. My biggest muse and inspiration is my friend/soulmate who has been incarcerated for almost 15 years. He has encouraged me to write and publish. He has also been my inspiration for some of my poems. In my first book, "Tales from My Life, not the Crypt" I dedicated the poem "Dedicated to Hot Chocolate" to him.

Sometimes I get writer's block and just don't have the words to write. I write poetry as the words come to me. When I'm writing a story or self help book, I have to make myself sit down and write. I lay out my points and outline, then proceed from there. It's much easier to write when someone or something is motivating me. I tell interviewers that I really don't have a writing style, I just write what I feel. Writing from experience with heartfelt emotion works best for me!

Peace and Blessings
Remember to purchase my books and promotional products from either of my websites or Amazon. Subscribe to my YouTube channel and follow my Amazon Author Page.

What are you reading?

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com
On these cold winter nights what books are you cuddling up with? Today I purchased two books, "The Nguzo Saba and the Festival of First Fruits" and "The Essential Oils Hormone Solution: Reclaim Your Energy and Focus and Lose Weight Naturally". I have made Kwanzaa and living by the Nguzo Saba(Kwanzaa Principles) a way of life. Promoting family values and unity is high on my list of priorities. I support black businesses and I am planning to open some with my children this year.

I also purchased a copy of "The Essential Oils Hormone Solution" by Dr. Mariza Snyder. The book teaches women who are menopausal or perimenopausal to bring their hormone levels in check and lose weight using essential oils. Dr. Mariza talks about cravings and metabolism, and how to reset your hormones. I will be adding more books to my collection this year. I will also publish new authors and more of my own books.

Be on the lookout next month for "Black Poetry and Soul Consciousness". The book is a collection of poems and conscious experiences from myself and members of my Facebook group, "Black Poetry and Soul Consciousness". This summer I will debut two more books, which will include my first children's book. The other is a self help book to teach people how to write and journal about their traumatic experiences to promote healing. You can always purchase my books on my websites or Amazon.

Peace and Blessings

Black Love 101: What a Woman Needs

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com

I follow The Pro Husband on Instagram, and these are 5 questions he says every woman should have the answers to. When I'm discussing relationships I love to get the men's perspective. These questions that were posed to women really caught my eye. Vulnerabilities...can I be vulnerable with you? Can I let go of my fears and let my guard down with you? Can I share my life and secrets with you without fear of ridicule? As black women we're already on guard with our feelings because we've been used and hurt. We want to know that it's ok to take down the wall and let you in. Secondly, is who I am ok with you? Can you be with me without trying to change me? We can change, evolve, and grow together but you must be ok with who I am initially...baggage, flaws, scars and all. We have to know we're enough just the way we are. We may want to improve on some things, but ultimately we want to be appreciated for who we are and what we bring to the table. Thirdly, are you a suitable spiritual leader? If we get married or we're in a serious relationship can I depend on you to lead us spiritually? Are you strong or weak in your convictions? Women want a leader, not just in the bedroom but in every aspect of the relationship. Are you willing to meditate with me? Do you understand the power of us meditating together and combining our powers? Fourth, am I safe with you? Will you stand up and defend my honor as your black woman, or will you coward down and have me fend for myself? Naturally black men have been warriors and great protectors. In this politically correct society  black men haven't been doing such a good job at protecting the women(woman/wife, daughters, mother, sister) in their lives. In a lot of relationships women need protection from the man they're with. Women want to know that they are safe with you...physically and emotionally. Last but definitely not least, is our money safe in your hands? Do you have a business mindset or an employee mindset? Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with working a job. I have a job educating young minds and it pays the bills, and affords me vacations, food, clothing, and a roof over my head. The problem we women have is men who don't have a job or own a business, living with mama, no car, no home of your own, and no dreams and goals to obtain. If you can't keep a stable job or have no concrete plans for a business how can you be trusted with OUR money? A man must be able to lead his home financially as well. Women need stability and security. If a woman is paying bills on her own and keeping a roof over her own head, she wants a man that can at least do that much for her. Do you have an emergency fund? Do you have savings and retirement accounts? If I am to entrust my life into your hands, are you capable of handling all that comes with that?

These questions are valid and I agree that women need the answers to these questions before diving heart first into a relationship. Last year I did a Live video on soulmates, twin flames, and kindred spirits. I researched all 3 before doing the Live. Soulmates are soul connections...people your soul resonates with. Kindred spirits are connected by sharing the same or similar experiences. Twin flames go beyond both soulmates and kindred spirits. Your twin flame is that once in a lifetime love. It is the ultimate relationship you will ever encounter. Your twin is your mirror image.

Your twin shows you your hurts and pains, and the areas of your life that need healing. Once you're conscious and enlightened this is the relationship you are seeking. I have encountered my twin flame, but we're separated right now. One twin is the runner and the other is the chaser. A twin flame relationship can be scary if you're not used to being so in sync with another person. You sometimes share the same thoughts. You can communicate telepathically. It's like being inside of one another's head. I titled this blog post "Black Love 101" because I'm black, and I want to see relationships between black men and women thrive and win.

I have been called a black man basher by a black man. If you truly know me, you know that I am just the exact opposite. I'm all for building up your man and helping him achieve. The key word is help! The man has to already have something and is doing something in order for me to help. Otherwise, the sisters are still doing everything on their own. I love black men and wouldn't trade them for any other man. Black women want and need black men who can meet them where they are. Love is not hard, and love is not complicated. When a man is intuned to his woman he knows what she needs before she can ask. If we are to build and be a strong nation of people it's going to take us working together. Black women can't carry the load and still call our black men gods and kings. Gods bless others; gods have so that they can be a blessing to others. Kings have a kingdom that they rule over. If you live with your mama and don't have a job, where is your kingdom? You say that you are your kingdom and you rule over yourself, but if you can't provide a place for yourself it doesn't seem that you're doing such a good job at governing yourself. We can't just give a man the title of god or king just because he's black. There are credentials that come with these titles. Can you lead, protect, and provide? Can I let my guard down and be vulnerable with you? Can I trust you and depend on you to support me mentally? Are you a leader...on your job, in your home, in your community, in your relationship with me?

I want to see every straight black relationship win! I'm not an expert on everything relationship wise, but I am an expert on the relationships I've experienced. I've learned some things from marriage, carnal relationships, and my twin flame union. I share what I've experienced to help others. Some men are so egotistical that they can't hear what a woman has to say. That is the downfall of many black relationships. Black men let their egos get in the way and they start displaying narcissistic behavior. If you're a king and/or a god it seems that you would want a queen or goddess who you can learn from as well. We all come with baggage and flaws. We are blessed in this life if we find the person who accepts our flaws and helps to lighten the load of our baggage. If I'm still weighted down and I have a "man" then something is wrong somewhere. Healthy relationships consist of two people working together to reach common goals. You both want the same outcome, so you both put forth effort. Black love has endured so much pain and trauma over the years. If it's worth it, we will continue to fight and endure whatever comes together. Black people have experienced loss, death of loved ones, molestation, rape, incurable disease, divorce, slavery, white supremacy, and each other. If we're meant to be we can weather any storm.

An Author's Life

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com
On Facebook I manage a poetry group called "Black Poetry And Soul Consciousness". At the end of last year I announced to the group that I was preparing to publish another poetry book, but for this one I enlisted the group's assistance. I broadcast to the group that I was writing a book around the group and would like for them to submit poetry and short stories for the project. My initial purpose for creating the group was to highlight my latest book, "Poetry For Yo Soul" and my life of consciousness. The group has grown to almost 400 members in a year. There are many great poets, authors, and spiritually conscious people in the group. I am very excited about our latest project. Poets who have never been published will have a chance to be published under Purple Poet Publishing LLC. Look for the book to hit the scene in February of this year.

I am also planning the release of two more books just in time for my 50th birthday and Back To School. I'm organizing a big release/birthday party for the books. One book is a self-esteem building book for young black girls with my granddaughter as the main character. In my eyes black is beautiful, and I want to make sure the black girls in my family and my kindergarten class know that! The second book is a self-help book for men and women who have experienced trauma or distressing events. The book teaches people how to therapeutically write and journal to create healing. If you've been following me for any amount of time you know that I use writing and poetry as therapy for my life. Writing is very therapeutic and is great for healing. I am extremely ecstatic about all three books and their launching. I'm expecting these books to catapult my author career to the next level.

Peace and Blessings Kings and Queens, and Happy New Year.... Happy Reading!