Midlife Crisis or True Awakening Part 2(a.k.a. Life at 50)

On November 1st I moved out of the apartment that I shared with 5 of my 6 adult children, and into a 2 bedroom house. My plan was to live totally alone, but one of my sons moved with me. Now we are down to December 31, 2019; the last day of the year. In my new home I created my sacred space, complete with: an altar, crystals, candles, books, and pictures of my ancestors. I have also placed a crystal in each room of my house except the laundry room. I have a plant in the kitchen and one in the living room. Both plants belonged to my deceased aunt whom I love dearly. A part of her will live on in my heart, but also in my home.

I walk around the house freely in just my panties, unless my son is home. I placed my vision board on the wall over my office workspace. I so needed this to get myself together. Sometimes I just need to be alone with my thoughts and myself so I can focus on me and what I need to do next. My life is my own to do whatever it is I want to do.

On my altar I have a palo santo stick and a sage/lavender bundle to ward off negative energy and dispel negative vibes. My goal is to live a life of peace, especially in my home.... My Sacred Space. I love the peace and quiet. All of my children are finding their way and doing some things without me. As a mother I will always be there, and I am still there for them but I needed my own space.

I have lived to be half a century old, and before turning 50 I always lived with someone or someone lived with me. I have taken care of everyone else; now it's time to take care of me and live my life. I plan to live life to the fullest and live it the way I want to; in a way that is fulfilling to me. I'm not here to impress people; I'm just here to live my best life. My intent was never to hurt my children, but to help me. Some of them needed a little push to go out into the world and find themselves. I don't want them to wait as long as I did to learn who they are and who they are destined to become.

I am not in the middle of a midlife crisis, but a true awakening to who I am. There are things that I have never done that I intend to do before I leave this lifetime. I'm not going to do anything as radical as motorcycle racing or bungee jumping, but there are things that I want to experience in this body. Self care is the ultimate form of self love. Meditation, yoga, drinking water, healthy eating, vacationing, trips to the spa, communing with nature are all forms of self care. These things have become an intricate part of my life. During meditation I go inside myself and see who I really am. You will never find peace or happiness in sources outside of yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness. Remember, god is introspection and god is love. Go within and find the god in you, and there you will find all of the love you need.

 

 

Peace and Blessings
Happy Kwanzaa

What is Kwanzaa?

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com

What is Kwanzaa? A lot of people, mostly African Americans ask this question. Kwanzaa is a celebration of family, community, and culture.... African American culture. There are seven Kwanzaa Principles, or Nguzo Saba. The first principle is Umoja, which means Unity. Under this principle we come together and celebrate the importance of family, community, our black nation and race. The second principle is Kujichagulia, or Self Determination. We as a people define who and what we are for ourselves. The third principle is Ujima, Collective Work and Responsibility. The goal is to build and maintain our community together and be our brothers and sisters keeper, and solve our problems together. The fourth Kwanzaa principle is Ujamaa, Cooperative Economics. We build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and  profit from them together. The fifth principle is Nia, or Purpose. Under this principle we learn and exercise the importance of applying ourselves to a higher purpose, and to build and develop our community to restore our people to their traditional greatness. The sixth principle is Kuumba, Creativity. We focus on bringing beauty and ideas into fruition. The goal is to manifest and leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it. Last but not least, is Imani. Imani means Faith. We have faith in ourselves, our parents and elders, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.

Kwanzaa was created by Dr. Maulana Karenga. I started celebrating Kwanzaa a couple of years ago. The more I learn, the more I grow and the better the celebration. As an author I always give my children and grandchildren books. Even when I celebrated Christmas books were a gift that I gave to them. Kwanzaa encourages giving books and handmade purposeful gifts. Kwanzaa celebrations are growing amongst black people. More people are waking up and realizing the commercialism and paganism of Christmas. Kwanzaa teaches us to honor who we are and think for ourselves. We don't need other groups to define us and tell us who to be. We are to determine these things for ourselves. Kwanzaa is a cultural experience. During the seven days of Kwanzaa we are charged to remember, reflect, and recommit to our highest values as individuals and as a people. Let's turn inward and prepare ourselves and families for the coming year.