Midlife Crisis or True Awakening?

Last month I crossed the half a century mark. Yes, I turned 50 years old on August 5th. About 3-4 years before my 50th birthday I began to feel unfulfilled and lost. I was seeking for answers in church and the Bible but found no solution to my problem. I started to seek within myself for answers instead.

During this 3-4 year time period I learned a lot about myself. I learned who I am, and who I was born to be. I am now at a point in my life where my focus is to make me happy. Others can be happy in the process, but my focus is now on me. My children are grown, I'm divorced and don't have a husband to cater to. I live life on my terms and do what pleases my soul. I think I look pretty good for my age. I wear what accentuates my body. Some people may feel that some of the things I wear are not appropriate for someone my age but I give no fu@ks.

I recently made the decision to finally live alone, without my children. At the end of this month I will be moving out of the apartment with the now 5 of my 6 children and moving to a 2 bedroom house. I have been looking forward to this for quite some time. It's not so much about getting away from my children as it is about getting away to me. Since I began evolving I don't wear clothes when I'm home, and I don't wear pajamas or a nightgown when I go to bed. I walk around my bedroom in just my panties. I want to walk around my house the same way. I have a vision for this new place of residence. It will be a home of serenity. I'm putting a plant in each room; plants like the spider plant, snake plant, and lavender. There will also be crystals in each room, and a fountain in the living room. I'm looking forward to enjoying the place I call home and pay rent and bills for.

There is so much to live for at 50 and beyond. I'm happy with who I am and who I'm becoming. This new life is about freedom and liberation. It's about finding and being your true, authentic self. I don't care what people think about me and I don't need anyone's approval to do anything. I'm ready to take trips, start more businesses, have awesome sex, and live Unapologetically Ever After. Fifty is the new thirty!

Self Determination

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com

What is Self Determination? Self Determination is defined as the process by which a person controls their own life. Another definition of Self Determination is; freedom to live as one chooses, or to act or decide without consulting another or others. Determination by oneself without outside influence. In plain words Self Determination means, the ability or power to make decisions for yourself, especially the power of a nation of people to decide how it will be governed. Kujichagulia is the second principle of Kwanzaa. We are encouraged to define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves. 

We don't need society, or any other group of people to determine who and what we are, or what we'll be. Kwanzaa is a time for us as a people to come together and make plans for ourselves and families. Kwanzaa for me, is not just something I celebrate once a year. The 7 Kwanzaa Principles have become a way of life. I have always been different, but I haven't always acknowledged that. I used to try to fit in with friends and family. I did things that I really didn't enjoy or want to do just to fit in. I allowed others to determine who I was and what I did. So many of us look to magazines, friends, and social media as the blueprint of our lives. Self definition shouldn't be something we only embrace on December 27th. Since going on a soul search about 3 years ago; I have learned to incorporate every Kwanzaa Principle into my life. Yesterday's principle was Umoja, Unity. I try to come up with family events that have nothing to do with holidays or birthdays. I create times where my family and I can get together, eat, talk, laugh, and love on one another. Unity is the whole premise of Kwanzaa. I patronize black owned businesses every chance I get. I started my own black business, "Purple Poet Publishing LLC". My personal goal is to create black history every day. I don't just celebrate black history during the month of February. I practice Kuumba, Creativity. I write poems and books. I paint, and I like to plan events. I am determined to make a name for myself in this world.

Kwanzaa is also a time to recognize and embrace the elders. Last Friday my maternal grandmother celebrated her 89th solar return. I have learned so much from my grandmama. I learned how to cook, how to save money, how to be wise with money, and she has shared her wisdom with me and my children. When I was younger my grandmama would tell me stories about her childhood. I love listening to that history. In other cultures people throw away their elders. It's good to know that most black people still take care of their elderly loved ones; while others place them in a home. Since talking to a good friend of mine about our lineage, I am more determined to find out where I come from. My dad's family is from Madison and Washington Georgia. My mom's family is from Woodland and Wedowee Alabama. Georgia and Alabama were originally populated by Native Americans; who were indigenous black people to this land. We are responsible for naming ourselves and determining who we are. I'm not sure which tribe I'm from yet; whether from Africa or the Americas. Either way, I decide who I am. I'm a queen, a goddess, and my friend helped me to overstand that I'm an empress. I control and rule myself and my territory.

Happy Kwanzaa!!!... Peace & Blessings

What is Kwanzaa?

www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com

What is Kwanzaa? A lot of people, mostly African Americans ask this question. Kwanzaa is a celebration of family, community, and culture.... African American culture. There are seven Kwanzaa Principles, or Nguzo Saba. The first principle is Umoja, which means Unity. Under this principle we come together and celebrate the importance of family, community, our black nation and race. The second principle is Kujichagulia, or Self Determination. We as a people define who and what we are for ourselves. The third principle is Ujima, Collective Work and Responsibility. The goal is to build and maintain our community together and be our brothers and sisters keeper, and solve our problems together. The fourth Kwanzaa principle is Ujamaa, Cooperative Economics. We build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses and  profit from them together. The fifth principle is Nia, or Purpose. Under this principle we learn and exercise the importance of applying ourselves to a higher purpose, and to build and develop our community to restore our people to their traditional greatness. The sixth principle is Kuumba, Creativity. We focus on bringing beauty and ideas into fruition. The goal is to manifest and leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than we inherited it. Last but not least, is Imani. Imani means Faith. We have faith in ourselves, our parents and elders, our teachers, our leaders, and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.

Kwanzaa was created by Dr. Maulana Karenga. I started celebrating Kwanzaa a couple of years ago. The more I learn, the more I grow and the better the celebration. As an author I always give my children and grandchildren books. Even when I celebrated Christmas books were a gift that I gave to them. Kwanzaa encourages giving books and handmade purposeful gifts. Kwanzaa celebrations are growing amongst black people. More people are waking up and realizing the commercialism and paganism of Christmas. Kwanzaa teaches us to honor who we are and think for ourselves. We don't need other groups to define us and tell us who to be. We are to determine these things for ourselves. Kwanzaa is a cultural experience. During the seven days of Kwanzaa we are charged to remember, reflect, and recommit to our highest values as individuals and as a people. Let's turn inward and prepare ourselves and families for the coming year.