Midlife Crisis or True Awakening Part 2(a.k.a. Life at 50)

On November 1st I moved out of the apartment that I shared with 5 of my 6 adult children, and into a 2 bedroom house. My plan was to live totally alone, but one of my sons moved with me. Now we are down to December 31, 2019; the last day of the year. In my new home I created my sacred space, complete with: an altar, crystals, candles, books, and pictures of my ancestors. I have also placed a crystal in each room of my house except the laundry room. I have a plant in the kitchen and one in the living room. Both plants belonged to my deceased aunt whom I love dearly. A part of her will live on in my heart, but also in my home.

I walk around the house freely in just my panties, unless my son is home. I placed my vision board on the wall over my office workspace. I so needed this to get myself together. Sometimes I just need to be alone with my thoughts and myself so I can focus on me and what I need to do next. My life is my own to do whatever it is I want to do.

On my altar I have a palo santo stick and a sage/lavender bundle to ward off negative energy and dispel negative vibes. My goal is to live a life of peace, especially in my home.... My Sacred Space. I love the peace and quiet. All of my children are finding their way and doing some things without me. As a mother I will always be there, and I am still there for them but I needed my own space.

I have lived to be half a century old, and before turning 50 I always lived with someone or someone lived with me. I have taken care of everyone else; now it's time to take care of me and live my life. I plan to live life to the fullest and live it the way I want to; in a way that is fulfilling to me. I'm not here to impress people; I'm just here to live my best life. My intent was never to hurt my children, but to help me. Some of them needed a little push to go out into the world and find themselves. I don't want them to wait as long as I did to learn who they are and who they are destined to become.

I am not in the middle of a midlife crisis, but a true awakening to who I am. There are things that I have never done that I intend to do before I leave this lifetime. I'm not going to do anything as radical as motorcycle racing or bungee jumping, but there are things that I want to experience in this body. Self care is the ultimate form of self love. Meditation, yoga, drinking water, healthy eating, vacationing, trips to the spa, communing with nature are all forms of self care. These things have become an intricate part of my life. During meditation I go inside myself and see who I really am. You will never find peace or happiness in sources outside of yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness. Remember, god is introspection and god is love. Go within and find the god in you, and there you will find all of the love you need.

 

 

Peace and Blessings
Happy Kwanzaa

Midlife Crisis or True Awakening?

Last month I crossed the half a century mark. Yes, I turned 50 years old on August 5th. About 3-4 years before my 50th birthday I began to feel unfulfilled and lost. I was seeking for answers in church and the Bible but found no solution to my problem. I started to seek within myself for answers instead.

During this 3-4 year time period I learned a lot about myself. I learned who I am, and who I was born to be. I am now at a point in my life where my focus is to make me happy. Others can be happy in the process, but my focus is now on me. My children are grown, I'm divorced and don't have a husband to cater to. I live life on my terms and do what pleases my soul. I think I look pretty good for my age. I wear what accentuates my body. Some people may feel that some of the things I wear are not appropriate for someone my age but I give no fu@ks.

I recently made the decision to finally live alone, without my children. At the end of this month I will be moving out of the apartment with the now 5 of my 6 children and moving to a 2 bedroom house. I have been looking forward to this for quite some time. It's not so much about getting away from my children as it is about getting away to me. Since I began evolving I don't wear clothes when I'm home, and I don't wear pajamas or a nightgown when I go to bed. I walk around my bedroom in just my panties. I want to walk around my house the same way. I have a vision for this new place of residence. It will be a home of serenity. I'm putting a plant in each room; plants like the spider plant, snake plant, and lavender. There will also be crystals in each room, and a fountain in the living room. I'm looking forward to enjoying the place I call home and pay rent and bills for.

There is so much to live for at 50 and beyond. I'm happy with who I am and who I'm becoming. This new life is about freedom and liberation. It's about finding and being your true, authentic self. I don't care what people think about me and I don't need anyone's approval to do anything. I'm ready to take trips, start more businesses, have awesome sex, and live Unapologetically Ever After. Fifty is the new thirty!