www.tauheedahmichelle.michelebarard.com
I follow The Pro Husband on Instagram, and these are 5 questions he says every woman should have the answers to. When I'm discussing relationships I love to get the men's perspective. These questions that were posed to women really caught my eye. Vulnerabilities...can I be vulnerable with you? Can I let go of my fears and let my guard down with you? Can I share my life and secrets with you without fear of ridicule? As black women we're already on guard with our feelings because we've been used and hurt. We want to know that it's ok to take down the wall and let you in. Secondly, is who I am ok with you? Can you be with me without trying to change me? We can change, evolve, and grow together but you must be ok with who I am initially...baggage, flaws, scars and all. We have to know we're enough just the way we are. We may want to improve on some things, but ultimately we want to be appreciated for who we are and what we bring to the table. Thirdly, are you a suitable spiritual leader? If we get married or we're in a serious relationship can I depend on you to lead us spiritually? Are you strong or weak in your convictions? Women want a leader, not just in the bedroom but in every aspect of the relationship. Are you willing to meditate with me? Do you understand the power of us meditating together and combining our powers? Fourth, am I safe with you? Will you stand up and defend my honor as your black woman, or will you coward down and have me fend for myself? Naturally black men have been warriors and great protectors. In this politically correct society black men haven't been doing such a good job at protecting the women(woman/wife, daughters, mother, sister) in their lives. In a lot of relationships women need protection from the man they're with. Women want to know that they are safe with you...physically and emotionally. Last but definitely not least, is our money safe in your hands? Do you have a business mindset or an employee mindset? Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with working a job. I have a job educating young minds and it pays the bills, and affords me vacations, food, clothing, and a roof over my head. The problem we women have is men who don't have a job or own a business, living with mama, no car, no home of your own, and no dreams and goals to obtain. If you can't keep a stable job or have no concrete plans for a business how can you be trusted with OUR money? A man must be able to lead his home financially as well. Women need stability and security. If a woman is paying bills on her own and keeping a roof over her own head, she wants a man that can at least do that much for her. Do you have an emergency fund? Do you have savings and retirement accounts? If I am to entrust my life into your hands, are you capable of handling all that comes with that?
These questions are valid and I agree that women need the answers to these questions before diving heart first into a relationship. Last year I did a Live video on soulmates, twin flames, and kindred spirits. I researched all 3 before doing the Live. Soulmates are soul connections...people your soul resonates with. Kindred spirits are connected by sharing the same or similar experiences. Twin flames go beyond both soulmates and kindred spirits. Your twin flame is that once in a lifetime love. It is the ultimate relationship you will ever encounter. Your twin is your mirror image.
Your twin shows you your hurts and pains, and the areas of your life that need healing. Once you're conscious and enlightened this is the relationship you are seeking. I have encountered my twin flame, but we're separated right now. One twin is the runner and the other is the chaser. A twin flame relationship can be scary if you're not used to being so in sync with another person. You sometimes share the same thoughts. You can communicate telepathically. It's like being inside of one another's head. I titled this blog post "Black Love 101" because I'm black, and I want to see relationships between black men and women thrive and win.
I have been called a black man basher by a black man. If you truly know me, you know that I am just the exact opposite. I'm all for building up your man and helping him achieve. The key word is help! The man has to already have something and is doing something in order for me to help. Otherwise, the sisters are still doing everything on their own. I love black men and wouldn't trade them for any other man. Black women want and need black men who can meet them where they are. Love is not hard, and love is not complicated. When a man is intuned to his woman he knows what she needs before she can ask. If we are to build and be a strong nation of people it's going to take us working together. Black women can't carry the load and still call our black men gods and kings. Gods bless others; gods have so that they can be a blessing to others. Kings have a kingdom that they rule over. If you live with your mama and don't have a job, where is your kingdom? You say that you are your kingdom and you rule over yourself, but if you can't provide a place for yourself it doesn't seem that you're doing such a good job at governing yourself. We can't just give a man the title of god or king just because he's black. There are credentials that come with these titles. Can you lead, protect, and provide? Can I let my guard down and be vulnerable with you? Can I trust you and depend on you to support me mentally? Are you a leader...on your job, in your home, in your community, in your relationship with me?
I want to see every straight black relationship win! I'm not an expert on everything relationship wise, but I am an expert on the relationships I've experienced. I've learned some things from marriage, carnal relationships, and my twin flame union. I share what I've experienced to help others. Some men are so egotistical that they can't hear what a woman has to say. That is the downfall of many black relationships. Black men let their egos get in the way and they start displaying narcissistic behavior. If you're a king and/or a god it seems that you would want a queen or goddess who you can learn from as well. We all come with baggage and flaws. We are blessed in this life if we find the person who accepts our flaws and helps to lighten the load of our baggage. If I'm still weighted down and I have a "man" then something is wrong somewhere. Healthy relationships consist of two people working together to reach common goals. You both want the same outcome, so you both put forth effort. Black love has endured so much pain and trauma over the years. If it's worth it, we will continue to fight and endure whatever comes together. Black people have experienced loss, death of loved ones, molestation, rape, incurable disease, divorce, slavery, white supremacy, and each other. If we're meant to be we can weather any storm.
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